Lesbian bed death

Concept concerning lesbian sexuality

Lesbian bed death is the concept that lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple the longer the relationship lasts, and generally experience less sexual intimacy as a consequence. It may also be defined as a drop off in sexual activity two years into a long term lesbian relationship. The concept is based on 1983 research by social psychologist Philip Blumstein and sociologist Pepper Schwartz, published in American Couples: Money, Work, Sex, which found that lesbian couples reported lower numbers when asked "About how often during the last year have you and your partner had sex relations?" The research has been criticized for its methodology and because sexual activity decreases for all long term couples regardless of sexual orientation. Analyses of the concept have therefore regarded it as a popular myth.

Pepper Schwartz is credited with coining the term lesbian bed death. History scholar John D'Emilio heard lesbian activist Jade McGleughlin use the term in a speech at the "Sex and Politics Forum" held at George Washington University during the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, which psychologist and sex therapist Suzanne Iasenza believes was the first time it was publicly uttered.

In the early 1980s, Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz conducted a survey on American relationships, sponsored by the Russell Sage Foundation and the National Science Foundation. The questionnaire covered various aspects of couples' relationships such as work, sex, children, finances, and decision making. Initially 12,000 volunteer couples, including 788 lesbian couples, filled out questionnaires. Of these, 300 couples in Seattle, San Francisco, and New York were selected for a more in depth interview. The findings were published in 1983 as American Couple: Money, Work, Sex. Among the results, Blumstein and Schwartz concluded that lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple (heterosexual married, heterosexual co habitating or gay male) and that they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts. This was based on responses to the question "About how often during the last year have you and your partner had sex relations?" The results signified less sexual activity than their counterparts. Only about one third of lesbians in relationships of 2 years or longer had sex once a week or more; 47% of lesbians in long term relationships had sex once a month or less, and among heterosexual married couples, only 15% had sex once a week or less. They also reported that lesbians seemed to be more limited in the range of their sexual techniques than did other couples, and that lesbian couples are less sexual as couples and as individuals than anyone else.

A 1988 study of over 1,500 lesbians found that 78% had been celibate at one time; 35% reported having been celibate for 1–5 years and 6% reported having been celibate for more than 6 years. In her New York Times review of American Couple, Carol Tavris suggested potential bias in the Blumstein and Schwartz survey results, as most of the respondents were typically white, affluent, liberal, and well educated. Scholar Waguih William IsHak stated that although lesbian bed death lacks scientific evidence, empirical data has suggested "that women ha[ve] less sexual desire than men and are more submissive in sexual interactions". However, according to Peplau, the "available empirical database on homosexuals is relatively small"; additionally, "an adequate understanding of human sexuality may require separate analyses of sexuality in women based on the unique biology and life experiences" of the female sex, because researchers have "ignored activities, such as intimate kissing, cuddling, and touching, that may be uniquely important to women's erotic lives." while a 2009 Journal of Sex Research study found that women in same sex relationships enjoyed identical sexual desire, sexual communication, sexual satisfaction, and satisfaction with orgasm as their heterosexual counterparts. 2014 research by Blair and Pukall reported that women in same sex relationships have similar levels of overall sexual satisfaction as their heterosexual counterparts, and slightly lower levels of sexual frequency, but also that women in same sex relationships spend significantly longer amounts of time on individual sexual encounters, often spending upwards of two hours on an individual encounter. Researchers Cohen and Byers stated that the majority of the lesbian bed research is old (by more than 20 years) and that its survey question "how often do you have sex?" is phallocentric and therefore the respondents were unlikely to include behaviors such as genital touching, oral genital contact, and non genital activities (such as kissing and whole body contact) in their answers. She also stated that a 1995 Advocate Survey of Lesbian Sexuality and Relationships showed that lesbian women had more enjoyable sex than most American women, but that this data did not receive the same attention as Schwartz's study. Nikki Dowling of The Frisky argued that the definition of sexual activity back in the 1980s was mainly limited to penile vaginal sex, and that this has affected lesbians' definition of sex since some wonder if two women having sex is a valid act. She surmised that lesbian bed death "is probably only sticking around" due to lesbophobia. Dowling also cited a widespread negative effect of the concept, stating that numerous websites claiming they can cure lesbian bed death started to crop up. McCroy argued that all couples get tired of "marathon sex". Sex educator and author Tristan Taormino stated that sex gets old regardless of a couple's sexual orientation. Suzanne Iasenza said, "Read heterosexual sex therapist David Schnarch's work if you don't believe heterosexual couples grapple with similar issues." Lesbian author Felice Newman stated, "Lesbian Bed Death is the greatest disservice we ever did to our community. [ ] Because in fact the statistics don't vary that much. If you're straight or you're gay, long term relationships can be challenging when it comes to sex."