The Phone Message

"The Phone Message" is the ninth episode of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld, and the fourth of the show's second season. The episode concerns protagonist Jerry Seinfeld (Jerry Seinfeld) dating a woman who likes a commercial for cotton Dockers he dislikes. Meanwhile, his friend George Costanza (Jason Alexander) leaves an obnoxious message on the answering machine of his girlfriend, and goes to great lengths to prevent her from hearing it. Written by series co creators Seinfeld and Larry David and directed by Tom Cherones, the episode was produced to replace a script by staff writer Larry Charles. Charles had written an episode called "The Bet," revolving around Elaine Benes (Julia Louis Dreyfus) buying a handgun. The script's gun content was deemed too provocative and, in little time, Seinfeld and David wrote "The Phone Message" to fill the production void. Though the episode was met with positive critical responses, its initial broadcast on February 13, 1991, was watched by an underwhelming audience of 13 million viewers, causing NBC to put the show on a two month hiatus.

George is excited when he learns that he and Jerry are having dates on the same night. Both of their dates go well up to the point that they have to say goodnight. George's date Carol (Tory Polone) asks George to come up to her place for some coffee, but George tells her that he can not drink coffee at night because it "keeps [him] up". Once she leaves his car, he realizes he made a mistake as "coffee" is a euphemism for sex. Jerry's date Donna (Gretchen German) remarks that she likes a cotton Dockers commercial that Jerry absolutely hates, and with that ends his interest in her. George decides to call Carol, but gets her answering machine. He leaves her an extremely long, obnoxious message and is concerned that she will think he is an idiot. Jerry's friend Elaine Benes (Julia Louis Dreyfus) tells George that something similar happened to her brother in law, who took care of the problem by secretly switching the tape. Jerry advises George to wait a few days for Carol to call back; George agrees, but continues to leave increasingly angry — and eventually hostile — messages on her machine. When he discovers she was out of town, he decides to go through with the plan of changing the tape. Frustrated by his inability to use an answering machine, George convinces Jerry to go with him. They decide to wait for Carol outside her apartment, and George will distract her while Jerry changes the tape. They succeed, but, just as they are about to leave Carol's apartment, she tells George that she had already heard the messages and found them funny, adding that she "loves jokes like that". As they leave the apartment, Jerry scowls at George over the wasted effort.

Staff writer Larry Charles had written a script for an episode titled "The Bet". In the episode, which was also known as "The Gun," Elaine would bet against Jerry on the ease of buying a handgun to protect herself. The episode's subplot revolved around Jerry's neighbor Kramer returning from a vacation in Puerto Rico, claiming he had sex with a stewardess on his flight home. George and Jerry would remain skeptical and make a bet with him; eventually, George, Jerry and Elaine would go to the airport to check if Kramer was telling the truth. Sets for the episode were built. Bobbi Jo Lathan was cast as flight attendant Lucy Merrit and Ernie Sabella was cast as gun salesman Mo Korn, who was described in the script as "overweight, greasy, slow and low key". David had previously written a sketch for Saturday Night Live regarding a man who went into his girlfriend's house to erase her answering machine. Gretchen German was cast as Jerry's date Donna. "The Phone Message" was filmed in front of a live audience on December 19, 1990. "The Phone Message" received a Nielsen rating of 9.7 and an audience share of 15, indicating that 9.7% of American households watched the episode, and that 15% of all televisions in use at the time were tuned into it. Disappointed with the ratings, as earlier episodes had averaged between 19 and 22 million viewers each, the network put the show on a two month hiatus. In a 1998 article, the staff of South Carolina newspaper The State cited "The Phone Message" as "the first episode that made an impression on [them]," referring to Seinfeld as "the comedic version of Hill Street Blues". Entertainment Weekly critics Mike Flaherty and Mary Kaye Schilling graded the episode with a B+, calling it "the first of two consecutive and classic George angst fests, as Jason Alexander—master of frantic venom—begins to make the character his own".